When Not Texting Back Is The Breakthrough

This isn’t a post about playing hard to get. This is a post to help you stop playing into the behavior of texting when you know you shouldn’t. Now that you’ve grown tired of repeating the same cycles, and are ready to stop, when it comes to this post, you’ve got the right one, Today! See what I did there? Lol.

Introduction

Scene: You’ve got your phone in your hand, getting ready to send ‘that text ’, or you’ve already sent it, and now you regret it. It sounds something like:

“So, you’re just gonna ignore me, now?”
“Why didn’t you text me back?”
“Ya know what, I’m done with this!”
“I don’t have time for this.”
“I’mma find me a man…”
“It’s gonna be your loss, not mine.”
“I know I’m a good woman…”

Your emotions are running haywire, and you’re in detective mode, re-reading the conversation, trying to figure things out. Your mind is going 84 million miles per minute with thoughts like:

What did he mean when he said that?
Why did I say that?
Is he going to ghost me now?
Why isn’t he responding?
Why did he leave me on read?
What did I do wrong?

I’m not going to ask you if what I’ve said above sounds familiar, because I know it does. I know, because I’ve been right where you are. ALOT! I’ve said, felt, thought, believed, and behaved the same as you. Girl, in a nutshell, you don’t EVER have to worry about me being included in the group of folks that judge you for this, or anything for that matter. I’m not here to judge you, tell you what to do, or make you feel like crap.

I’m here to help you learn where this is coming from, how to stop, and how to listen to God’s voice over everything, because, girlie, from my experiences, it’s the moment you decide not to send that text that becomes the moment you’re becoming free. Sometimes, the texting isn’t the solution, it’s the setback, and in some cases, it’s the path to destruction.

Before You Send That Text

How about we NOT do the same thing we’ve been doing, and try something different? I mean, you can, but let’s take a second to look at the evidence. How has that been working for ya so far? I’m just saying. This time, before we even begin to entertain the idea of sending that text, let’s pause and ask ourselves:

Why is the urge so strong to text right now?
What am I hoping to get across to them by sending it?
What results am I hoping for if they respond?
Am I texting because I genuinely want to talk to them, or is there another reason?
Are my emotions in check, spiraling, or beginning to spiral?
Am I texting because of them specifically, or am I triggered by my past experiences?
If they don’t respond, is that going to change how I feel, think, and believe about myself?

God has helped me learn that although I may think the text is innocent or justified, that’s usually not the case. Sometimes we’re not just sending a message, we’re sending the agreement to keep the soul tie, God never intended for us to have.

“But, Angel, you don’t understand.” – Yes, I do.

I understand something is happening right now that is causing you to have an overwhelming feeling to reach out, even though there is something else telling you not to. (Side note: That something else is God)

I understand you’re feeling as if you don’t get that message sent, your whole world is going to fall apart, and so are you, if you’re not already.

I understand you feel like this message will be the one that wakes him up and gets him to finally see where you’re coming from.

I understand you’re thinking that this one will be the one that finally makes things better.

I understand you believe that this text will be the text that gets him to choose you.

And the list goes on, and on.

“But, Angel, I need closure before I can let him go.” – No, you don’t. You need clarity.

And that’s not going to come from the person on the other end of that phone. Clarity comes from God. Along with that, if it’s causing you to feel confused, it’s not from God to begin with, and is a counterfeit sent by the enemy, because God is not the author of confusion.

“For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace…” — 1 Corinthians 14:33 (KJV)

Covenant or Counterfeit: Here’s How To Know

Remember when I said if it’s bringing you confusion, it’s not from God? The same goes for other aspects of the person as well. Lookie here now, the thing is, the enemy knows exactly what to send your way to throw you off course and lead you down a path that takes you away from God. This goes for anything, not just a romantic partner.

The devil knows the type of man who gets your attention, and he will send as many as he can that match that. Spiritually speaking, these are known as counterfeits. A good way to think of a counterfeit partner is to think of it the same way as you would a counterfeit twenty-dollar bill.

It looks the same, but once you look deeper, you find there’s something about it that isn’t adding up to what a real one looks like. The same goes for the romantic interests the enemy sends into our lives. And it’s not just romantic partners, either, but I’ll go into that in another post.

So how do you tell the difference between a man who is from God and a man who is not? It’s in the fruit!

“Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.” — Matthew 7:20 (KJV)

To put it bluntly, fruits are God’s way of describing a person. How they are, what they do, how they speak, etc. Fruits from the Holy Spirit are the opposite of someone who’s being used by the enemy against you, whether knowingly or unknowingly. Side Note: Not everyone who is being used by the enemy knows it or is doing it on purpose.

The biggest and most important question to ask is, are they bringing you closer to God, or pulling you away from Him? If it’s the second, you already have your answer and know what you need to do. Here’s the breakdown of the fruits of a man sent from God vs a counterfeit.

Fruits of A Man Sent From God

The fruits of a man sent from God are the fruits of the Holy Spirit. They are:

Love: He sacrifices for you, honors you, and protects your peace.
Joy: His presence aligns with God’s presence; you feel strengthened, not drained.
Peace: You feel emotionally safe, not anxious.
Long-suffering: He’s patient, consistent, and doesn’t ghost when things get real.
Gentleness: He’s humble, polite, and treats others well, listens with grace, not ego
Goodness: His intentions match his actions, even in private, not wicked, not immoral, not vile, has good morals, overall goodness can be seen consistently
Faith: He doesn’t just know scripture and say he’s with God; He walks it and lives it consistently.
Meekness: He leads without control and takes accountability for his mistakes.
Temperance: He’s emotionally mature and self-controlled.

Fruits of A Counterfeit

I’m sure you’ve already figured out that the fruits of a counterfeit are the opposite of the ones of a man sent from God. The devil flips the script on everything that has to do with God, but he’s slick about making it “look” like it’s from Heaven. God’s slicker though, trust me on this one, Lol.

“Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light.” — 2 Corinthians 11:14 (KJV)

The signs it’s a counterfeit in play are:

Lust: His focus is on your body and what you can do for him intimately. He won’t respect your desire to remain pure and celibate.
Sorrow: You’re not feeling happy; instead, you’re feeling misery, sadness, anger, and other negative emotions.
Chaos: The peace isn’t consistent, or is gone completely.
Impatient: Opposite of long-suffering. He’s inconsistent, hot and cold, and disappears when things get too hard or real.
Roughness/Harsh: Lack of softness or care, strict or intense nature, deliberate unkindness, being mean on purpose.
Badness: aka wickedness, immoral, depraved, corrupt, harmful, malevolent, etc
Faith-Less: talks about God, knows scripture, may even go to church, but doesn’t live a life fully submitted to God, goes against or twists the things of God to suit them. Scripture most definitely.
Not Meek: Egotistical, not humble, doesn’t take accountability, doesn’t own mistakes, leads by control, not humility and grace
Lack of Temperance: No self-control, hot-headed, quick-tempered, emotionally unstable, argumentative, etc

Now that you know what to look for when it comes to discerning whether a man is from God or a counterfeit from the enemy, let’s take a moment to think about the man who is in your life right now. Ask yourself:

Is he bringing me closer to God or pulling me away?
Is he showing me the fruits of the Holy Spirit or the fruits of the enemy?
Do I lose my peace when I engage with him or am around him?
Does he push me closer to my purpose or distract me from it?
If I were to never speak to him again, how would my life change?

If you’re answers are: pulling me away, fruits of the enemy, loss of peace, distraction, and get better, then you’ve just figured out it’s time to let this one go because he is not the man God has for you. The man God has for you is going to be His best. He’s going to bring you peace, not problems. It’s not going to be almost; it’s going to be alignment. He’s going to love you like Christ loves you. He’s not going to be the source, but he’s going to add to the goodness that God brings.

He’s going to be a blessing, baby, not another lesson.

Let’s be real about it. Letting go is nowhere near an easy thing to do, especially when our hearts have gotten involved. We tell ourselves anything to justify or excuse their behavior. We tell ourselves that if we stick around, put more work into the relationship, give more, do more, give up more, submit more, fix whatever is wrong with us, and everything else we can think of, that it will just magically fall into place and be the way we want, need, and deserve.

But it’s just not the case. It’s a fairytale that our hearts, trauma bonds, past traumas, things we’ve been taught, and everything but God is writing. So, sweetie, now that you’ve taken the time to pause and pray, instead of sending that text, don’t you think it’s about time you love yourself at least enough to let go, give it to God, and let Him close the book once and for all?

Texting is one of the many topics we get into in the community, and not just the stuff we’ve talked about here. We’d love to have you with us! So, come on and get your beautiful self up in here, and join us as we walk this road together, continue our healing journeys, connect with other women who ‘just get it’, and have tons of fun on top of it, in a faith-led, God centered, positive, encouraging, supportive, drama-free, upbeat, and fun atmosphere!

Join The Community!

Thanks for reading this post and for being here in general! May God bless you and yours abundantly and exceedingly above anything you can think, perceive, or imagine, just as His Word promises! I’ll see ya in the club!

Love ya! You know God loves you more!

Angel M. <3 <3 <3